its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
