Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
