i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
