the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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