I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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