I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
