Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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