If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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