May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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