everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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