He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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