i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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