I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
