i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
