My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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