Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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