I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
