this beer tastes like vomit already
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
