Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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