My friends, they love my intelligence
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
