I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
