Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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