We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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