It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
