sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
