Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
