You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
