well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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