I think i peed on brittanys purse
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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