Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
