You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
