I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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