oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
