how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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