A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
