got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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