In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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