just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
