Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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