I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
