with your own penis?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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