I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I look better un-naked...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
