yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
