this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
