If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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