My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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