Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
