At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
