I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
