btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
