U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
